Lament

the blood you’ve spilled leaves traces and lines of smears

behind as it leaves my body my heart from all the tiny cuts

and gashes you strip away what was yours and mine

and in the holes that are left, you fill with fears.

i am poisoned, beaten, and defeated;

i rise only to have the process repeated.

your sarcasm and condescension flay my emotions

as you attempt to slay me

from your lips to my ears takes but a second

then i recoil from your attack i reckoned

that you would stop then but you will not…

a hollow empty rage has inflamed me after

all of your vain and bloody attempts to tame me.

where once i loved you madly you are now

content with treating me badly.

the last three nights have been ugly, brutal, and long

and your words like bullets rip into me at the speed of sound.

all i ever wanted (doesn’t matter anymore)

was to live in a house that wasn’t haunted…

what i wouldn’t give to feel someone place a hand

on my back, my shoulder or my neck or brush

my cheek with a gentle touch?

should i stand up for myself, be bolder?

am i too damn weak?

or am just asking too much?

you’ve been gone all day and i wonder if you will come back

because you’ve been so useful in pointing out

everything i lack.

fine, whatever, go ahead and domesticate me

this involuntary celibacy is a slow spiritual castration.

should i be more grateful? for all this hellish hateful strife?

this is not the life i chose for myself:

one man against a nation.

i was never meant to bear the weight of so much pain

and so much hate.

i have forgotten what it felt like to be loved

to be understood, to have the last word,

or to ever be right.

looks like you get off on raking me over the coals

every day every night.

you win.

you have worn me down and torn me down.

you have won it all.

you have marched and blown your trumpets and

the stones of my confidence and character

have fallen like Jericho’s wall.

3.27.2011