In dreams clouds cover my eyes
They smother me I cannot breathe
I cannot fall; I cannot rise--
And when I was in my own arms
I was still not warm or safe from harm
And I was Merlyn then myself
Crossing my heart hoping to die
Crossing the threshold of hope
Into sheer unadulterated hell
Not in the way of gods
and no way to cope,
no one to tell.
And she was leaving with Anthony
A little boy of both of us
Begotten in a world of broken justice;
(Like bidding 'bye to the best of my life
sending them off with a sigh--
without a word returning to the rest of my life)
Roots of regret wash clean and drown
In an ocean of apathy.
I can return to these memories with less emotion now,
And maybe consider it a blessing
That she burned me right down to the ground.
While T. H. White whispered words
Alarming, unheeded, and unheard...
I was once more
In the Lord's world---
A clever chaotic creation
Through the cosmos hurled
Sent to come to rest in a spiral--
Galactic bacteria,
Or something worse...
Something viral.
7.27.2005
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